Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
