did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
