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Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
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