the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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