I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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