I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
