the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
