I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
