Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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