guys are only as good as the porn they watch
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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