i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
