i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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