i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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