I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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