Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
