the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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