I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
