you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
