Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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