I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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