She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
