we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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