Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize