There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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