His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
