I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
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They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
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I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin