I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
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I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock