hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale