I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Dating After Heartbreak
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday