She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
