fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
