1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
