I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You were trust falling into bushes
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
