why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He passed out mid-signature
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
