No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
