What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
