we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
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