just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
