he thought i was a dude.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
