I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
