..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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