but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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