i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
