I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
