I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
