physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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