Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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