So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
