To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
