He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
