You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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