Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
