Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
