I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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