dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
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