so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
