Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
