i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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