I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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