If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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