Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
