Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
