Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
