I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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