We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
