Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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