I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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