Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
