Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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