you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
