I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
