worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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